Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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