so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize