It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
