FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
