my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
