Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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