so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
