It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize