some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
