Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I have tasted many bathrooms
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
