I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
