I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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