Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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