found the other keg... it's in the tree
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have fence marks all over my body
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Randomize
