My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
