I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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