Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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