And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
