haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
