If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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