I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
PANTIES FOUND
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