Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I forgot wine drunk hurts
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
