Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
