dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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