How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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