Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize
