hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
