Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
