So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
