I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize