Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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