K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
