Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
