i need an iv and a liver transplant
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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