i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
