i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize