as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
