Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
