if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
