It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
