omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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