not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
