so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
