Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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