i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize