I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
