i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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