so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
