careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
