We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
