Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
