My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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