I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
