loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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