I just pynch a tree in the face
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
