I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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