I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
