One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
