he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
