You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Randomize
