There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
