we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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