from now on my penis is your penis
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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