Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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