do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
