miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
