idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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