Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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