They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize