He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize