He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
