CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
