i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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