Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
it was like eating out sand paper
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
