hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
