dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
