i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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