oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
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