i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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