The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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