Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
