I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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