Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize