I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
