At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize