You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Hello my rib-scented angel!
A+ Viking dick
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