cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
