I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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