Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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