Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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