I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
