I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
