Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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