fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
