just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
