He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
