Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Randomize
