I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize