Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
