she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
